Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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