i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
