I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
