Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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