I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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