just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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