i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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