My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
