So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
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