the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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