so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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