Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
