As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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