I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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