hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
