you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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