FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
