I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I have fence marks all over my body
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
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