Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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