I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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