never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
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