I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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