I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
do nipples grow back?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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