suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
