i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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