He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you donโt have to recycle anymore ๐๐
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize