Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize