Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
