i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
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