I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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