no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
