I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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