eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
