I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
