i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
