my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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