Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize