i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
i've created a new STD.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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