True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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