Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I just cut my nipple shaving
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
