I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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