First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
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