i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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