Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
