And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
