We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
