Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
