Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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