You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
