So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
