oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
