I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
