I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I have demons in me.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
