dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
