You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
