dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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