I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I'm having to shit out rocks
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