I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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