eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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