Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
