Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
