the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Shame - the story of my life.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
