The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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