Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Randomize
