we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
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