Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
