just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
