dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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