we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
