In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
