Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
