great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
is it fun? or sober?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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